The Problem of the Guy Named Bill



Martha: [holding gun to forehead, sobbing] I can't go on!  My life is meaningless!  I'm going to end it all!

Dick: Don't worry! All your problems are solved!

Martha: [straightening up, sniffling] W-What do you mean?  

Dick: There's an answer to all of your problems.

Martha: What is it?  Tell me!

Dick: Oh, I don't know.

Martha: [putting gun back against forehead] I knew it!  There's no hope!

Dick: Well, I don't know the answers, but I know who does.

Martha: Who?

Dick: A guy named Bill.

Martha: You mean Bill from accounting?

Dick: No, a different Bill.

Martha: Bill the janitor?

Dick: No, you don't know him.

Martha: Can you introduce me to him?

Dick: I don't know him either.

Martha: Well, what's his last name?

Dick: I don't know.

Martha: You just made Bill up.

Dick: No, he's real!

Martha: So where is he?

Dick: On vacation.  Look: this is a pair of shoelaces that once belonged to Bill.  That proves it!

Martha: So how is this supposed to help me?

Dick: Because there's a guy out there that knows the answer.

Martha: So?

Dick: So that proves that the answer exists!

Martha: What proves that the answer exists?

Dick: The fact that Bill knows it!

Martha: Yeah, but I still don't.

Dick: But Bill knows it!

Martha: But I don't know Bill.

Dick: Yeah, but... Bill!


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