Kayla: [sobbing]

Layla: Kayla! What's wrong?

Kayla: I have no free will!

Layla: You have no what?

Kayla: Free will!  You know, I have no control over my own actions!  I'm just going to do what I'm determined to do, and there's nothing I can do about it!

Layla: Lucky you!  I have the opposite problem.  No matter how determined I am to do something, it seems I can never do it.

Kayla: Stop joking!  This is serious.

Layla: Okay. So... what's the problem, again?  What can't you do?

Kayla: Anything!  Anything other than what I actually do!

Layla: Hm.  So, if I sold you a blob of magical silly putty, with the promise that you can shape it into anything and it will work, so if you shape it into a plane, it will actually fly, and if you shape it into a tv, it will pick up stations, and so on - would you come back the next day demanding your money back?

Kayla: Why?

Layla: Because I had told you that the silly putty can be anything, which is true, but your complaint would be that the silly putty cannot be anything other than what it in fact is.  Which is also true.  Because things cannot be what they are not.

Kayla: You're joking again.

Layla: I'm only partly joking this time.  But what can't you do?

Kayla: I told you!  I'm completely determined!  I'm like a machine!  I can only do what I'm programmed to do!

Layla: Okay, but be specific.  Give me one example of a thing you can't do.

Kayla: Well... [sniff] Like, even when I say this sentence, for example - I can't say any words other than the words I am in fact saying.

Layla: Well, but you could say different words. 

Kayla: But I don't! It's like a song... like this song that's playing, right now.  

Layla: Oh yeah, what are we listening to?

Kayla: "It's Now or Never" by Elvis.  

Layla: Yeah - when I walked up here, the same song was playing.

Kayla: Yes.  It's my favorite song.  When I get depressed, I just listen to it over and over and over.  I've probably listened to it 30 times today, or more.

Layla: O...kay.

Kayla: I know!  It's weird!  It's a weird thing to do!  But I can't help it!  I'm like a machine!  I'm pre-programmed to act this way!  There's nothing I can do about it.  

Layla: Uh huh.

Kayla: So - this song is prerecorded.  Every time you play it, it will play out exactly the same way.  Every note, every beat.  Exactly the same.  That's like my life.  It's all predetermined.  Every stupid choice I make - I can't do anything else.  Just like, Elvis will always sing: "It's now or never / Come hold me tight / Kiss me, my darling / Be mine, tonight." [sobs]

Layla: You know, it's funny that so many people these days are convinced that we have no free will - just at the time that technology has developed to the point when more and more things are possible.  

Kayla: Yes, well - [sobs] the progress of science... [sobs] has shown us... [sobs] the truth... [sobs] which is that we have no free will! [sobs very hard]

Layla: Yes, but I mean - look.  I can get AI to produce another version of this song.  Listen!  Now Elvis sings: "It's now or never / Give me a shoe / Stick it to my face / With extra glue."

Kayla: Yes, but that's not real!  The song still goes the way it goes.  You just made a different song. 

 

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