Jesus in Hell: Day 1, Part 10: Flashback: Procula's Castle

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Procula’s Castle

    You, Dismas, press yourself against one of the pillars of the Domus.  You are confident, in your element.  You see a guard striding into the house.   You follow him in, pull out a bag, slip it over the guard’s head while putting the guard into a sleeper hold, and then drag the guard’s unconscious body into a supply closet.  Moments later you emerge wearing the guard’s clothing.  You sneaks further into the house.

    You hear people talking nearby, and quietly sneak up and peak into the room.  You see a middle-aged, rich-looking woman, reclining on a sofa.  Beside her, standing nervously and slightly bowing is her advisor.  As you watch, suddenly a gorgeously-dressed young woman enters the room.  She displays the arrangement of her fine clothes to the older woman, with a little sashay.  Sitting at the feet of the middle-aged woman is a younger boy, hands neatly crossed on his lap like a little angel.  Slyly, without the middle-aged woman seeing, he sticks his tongue out at the young, elegantly dressed woman.  Then he starts puffing into a bag- he seems to be furtively inflating something. 

    “Yes, Domina.  He said you must meet him at the Citadel.  Now is the only time he can speak with him,” says the advisor. 

    “Oh this awful,” says the older woman, clearly the head of household.  “This had better be quick... I have to be back here when Artabanu arrives!  And who will take care of Gaius?”  Little Gaius is slipping something under the cushions of the couch. 

    The middle-aged woman looks around. Then she focuses on the young woman. “I’m sorry, Daphne, but you’re the only one who can take care of him. You can go some other time.”

     “But- !”

    “Don’t you talk back to me.  I’ll be back in a few hours.”  

    The young woman, still elegant, crosses the room in a petulant pout.  Then she crosses her arms and sits down heavily on a sofa across from the older woman's in a huff.  Suddenly a loud fart noise erupts from the couch.

    “Gaius!" screams the young woman, mortified.  "I'll get you for that!"

    Little Gaius is laughing moronically.  Then he straightens up and in mock-innocence replies, "But I didn't do anything, Daphne."  Some guards, standing nearby, attempt to stifle some snickers.

    Dismas is inching his way along the wall through the shadows, confident that no one is looking his way.  His eyes dart this way and that, looking for the big score.

    “Now Gaius," begins the older woman, oblivious of this exchange, "You behave for Daphne while I’m gone.  Do you promise?”

    “Yes I promise!” says little Gaius.

    “Very well.  Goodbye, Gaius.  Goodbye, Daphne!”

    “Goodbye, Procula,” calls Daphne, somewhat petulantly, but sweetly too.

    Procula exits, together with her advisor, and we see the momentary despair on Daphne’s lovely, slightly chubby face, little Gaius hanging down from her hand like a monkey.  Her shoulders slump.

    As soon as they're gone, Daphne whips around.  "Guards!" she says, "I'm going out!  It's your job to take care of Gaius."

    The guards all stumble over each other to either leave the room or hide behind one another.  One of them, who has unwittingly been pushed to the front of the line, pipes up, "But, but Domina!  Domina Procula said that you-"

    "I repeat: I am going out, and that's that."

    "But I have to do the perimeter run," says one.

    "I have to um, sharpen the swords," says another.

    "I have to, you know, uh, hoplite the uh, phalanx," says a third.

    "Fine," says Daphne.  "I'll let you decide.  Which guard do you want to take care of you?"

    "Hm," says little Gaius, with his finger tracing his lower lip, and just the slightest hint of a mischievous smile.  "I choose...."  (The guards are all cowering and quaking in fear, hoping it won't be them.)

    Gaius suddenly turns and points at you, grinning.  "You!" 

     Your jaw hangs open.  How did he see you?  You stammer as you point to your own chest, emerging from the shadows: “M-me?  I, uh....”

    “Yes, you," says Daphne.  "I need you to look after Gaius here.  I’m going to the Taurobolium and nothing can stop me.”

    “Me?” you say again, more quietly.

    She says it more slowly, as if speaking to an imbicile.  "Yeesss, yooouuu.  Get the cook to fix him some dinner, get him in bed by Virgilia Secunda, and whatever you do, keep an eye on him and make sure he behaves!”

    And with that, she is gone, too.  

    Gaius smiles up at you.

    “Will you be my friend?” says Gaius.

    “Heh, heh... Uh, sure, kid,” you mumble.  

    He grabs your hand, with a seemingly iron grip.  You try to shake him off, but he won't let go.  "What's your name?" he asks.

    "Uh, Romulus."

    "Romulus?  That's your name?"

    "Yyyyesssss...."

    "Okay, Romulus. Do you like my boots?” says Gaius.  “They’re real soldier boots.  When I grow up, I’m going to be a soldier... the strongest soldier in the world!  And I’m gonna beat up anybody who threatens my family.  Boom!  Boom!  Boom!  Are you a soldier?”

    “Uh....”

    “Hey, what are you looking for?”

    You slam the drawer that you had been rifling through.  “Nothing!"

    "Okay, Romulus.  Hey, Romulus?"

    "Yes?"  

    "Can I have some libum?  My mom said I could have some libum."

    "What's libum?"

    "Cheesecake with honey."

    "Sure, kid, sure.  You go get yourself some libum."

    "Okay, Romulus."  Gaius waddles off, leaving you to loot the room.   

    Grab as many treasures as you can before Gaius comes back: plates, cups, statues, coins, glass orbs, bars of electrum - all while avoiding the eyes of the guards.  Put them all in your bag.  But as you put the final item in the back, a guard suddenly turns and sees you.  You have to fight.  You manage to punch him, knocking him out, and drag him into the same supply closet as the first guard you attacked.  His arm flops out of the closet door as you're closing it.

    Just then, Gaius comes back.  You jump in front of the hand, trying to prevent Gaius from seeing it.

    "Romulus?" he asks.

    "Yes, Gaius?" you croak, trying to push the closet door closed with your butt.

    "I can't reach the libum.  It's up too high.  Can you get it for me?" 

    "Sure."

    He waddles back to the kitchen.  Once he's through the door, you turn around quickly, shove the hand back into the closet, and slam it shut.  Then you run towards the kitchen.  The door falls open and the hand flops out.

    You're walking down a hallway.  At the end, Gaius is calling to you.  "It's over this way!"  He walks through a door."

    As you walk down the hall, there's a table with a drawer.  You open it up and inside are 7 gold coins.  Into the bag they go.   Along the wall are 5 ornate bronze candlesticks: them too.

    "Hey, what are you doing?"  It's a guard.

    You have to fight again.  You manage to beat him up and knock him out, but not before he's called three of his co-workers.  Now you have to fight them too.

    As you fight, you hear little Gaius's voice, coming from the next room.  "Hey, what's all the noise?  What's going on there?"

    Eventually you beat the guards.  You know there's no more room in the closet, so you try to shove the pile of guards under a window curtain.  Then you step through the door into the kitchen.

    "Okay," you say, "Now where's the libum?"

    "Oh, it's not in this kitchen," says Gaius.  "It's in the upstairs kitchen."  And he walks out a door into another hallway.

    There's lot more loot to grab in this kitchen: pots, pans, goblets, amulets.  You're just about to walk out the door to the hallway that Gaius just stepped into when FOOM! a trapdoor opens beneath you and you fall several floors.

    "Oh, did I leave that open?" says Gaius.  "Whoops!  My mistake!"  He guilelessly turns the corner and walks up a flight of stairs.

    When you're at the bottom, you see Gestas.

    “Ah, there you are, Dismas,” says Gestas, “Now you remember the plan, right?  I’ve arranged that Procula was called away for a ‘business meeting.’  Heh, heh, heh.  She won’t be back until dawn.  When Artabanu arrives, you’ll be able to grab the Tyne, and then we can get out of here.  Watch out for guards.” 

    Now you have to explore several floors of the castle, working your way up to the top of the castle, grabbing treasures and fighting guards as you go (knocking them unconscious, never killing them).  

*     *     * 

When you get partway through, there's a cut scene: 

    Artabanu has arrived.  He steps out of his carriage, where a red, hooded robe just like the one worn by the mysterious figure at the beginning of the game who poured blood into the ground.  He pulls it back to reveal his face: handsome, sophisticated, with an arched eyebrow.  There are several gold rings on his fingers, with various gems and mystical-looking images carved into them.

    The same advisor who earlier spoke to Procula comes out to meet him. “Ah, Artabanu!  What, no elephant-drawn carriage, this time?”


    Artabanu replies, “I’m trying to keep a low profile, here.  In fact, I would like to go inside as quickly and quietly as I can, if that’s possible.  Where’s Procula?”

     “She... should be here any moment now.  In the meantime, come in, and relax.”

    “I can’t relax until the Tyne is safe and sound.”

    “Pretty expensive bauble, eh?”

    “It’s not the mere monetary value, though it is indeed priceless.  The Tyne of the Living is an extremely sacred object - and dangerous.  In the wrong hands it could be a weapon so powerful, the person who had it could... well, they might be able to take over the world.  I have dedicated my entire life to protecting it.”

*     *     * 

Eventually, you reach the top floor, and eventually enter the kitchen. 

    In the kitchen, Gaius is there, wearing footy pajamas, playing with a little toy chariot, rolling it around and around.  He makes a sound as he pushes it: "Rrrrrrrr, rrrrrrrr!  Gaius is winning the chariot race!  But there's a bad guy chariot almost catching up!  Rrrrrr! Rrrrr!"  Then he notices you, and over his shoulder he says, "It's up there, in that top shelf.  I can't reach it."  He wipes his nose and goes back to his chariot race.

    The cabinet is really high up.  Even you can't reach it.  The cabinet door is slightly open.  You can kind of make out something inside, on that top shelf. 

    You see a step stool.  You push it over in front of the kitchen cabinet, climb up, open the cabinet door, and FWOOSH! a bucket drops out from the top shelf, landing on your head, completely soaking you.  Then Gaius, shouting "vwoom!" lets his little chariot go.  It slams into a leg of the step stool, knocking it and you over.  Your head, inside the bucket, slams into the counter as you fall to the floor.

    "Oops!" says Gaius, disappearing out of the room.

    You go running after him.

    As you run through the hallway, guards come charging at you.  One by one, you beat them down, pausing now and then, briefly, to pick up a small treasure.  You make your way through several rooms like this, your battles escalating in difficulty.  

    "I wonder who set that bucket up there," shouts Gaius, over his shoulder, running away.  "That was awfully careless of them."

    Finally you chase Gaius into his own bedroom.  He tries to slam the door shut as he enters, but you catch it just in time.  He tries to lean against it, but you gradually pry it open.  As you do so, he murmurs through the cracked door.

    "I think the libum is in another drawer in the kitchen!  Can you go get it for me?"

    "No libum for you, kid," you growl, menacingly.

    "You know, you're not very good at this.  You're not fooling anyone," he says, tauntingly.  "You're not named Romulus and you're not a guard.  What have you got in that bag?  I count 38 gold coins, 14 bars of electrum, 12 bronze candlesticks, 26 plates, 19 cups, 8 glass orbs, and - oh, yeah! - a statue of my Great-Grandpa Julius."  He's exactly right.

    You stop pushing on the door, and go white as a sheet.  Then he opens the door himself.

    "...Isn't that right, Dismas?"  Here he begins laughing a wicked little laugh.  "I heard your whole conversation with your friend Gestas."  

    You slump a bit and let the bag fall from your hand, defeated.

    "Oh, cheer up.  Don't worry.  I don't see any reason that anyone has to know about this.  None of those trinkets will be missed.  We'll get more, soon enough.  Now, I'd like that libum, please.  And then I'd like you to read me a story."

    You get back to the kitchen, fighting off guards as you go, and then start opening drawers.  Inside the first drawer you open is a mechanical fist which springs out and punches you under the jaw.  You keep opening drawers and finally find the libum.  You bring it back to Gaius.  

    "You can have some, too, Dismas," he says, with some real sweetness in his voice, when you hand it over.  He breaks off a piece for you.

    "Mm," you say, tasting it.  "That's actually... that's delicious!"  

    "Never had libum before, huh?" he asks, his eyes examining you.  "You grew up quite poor, didn't you?"

    "Mm," you reply, in a half-affirmation, not ready to open up to him.

    "Me, I grew up rich," he says, matter-of-factly, and seems to mull it over, philosophically.  "Say, you'd better hurry up and start reading.  You're going to want to get out of here before Aunt Daphne comes home.  You can read... this one," he says, pulling a scroll off of a shelf and handing it to you.  Then he plops himself down on his bed.

    Wiping the sticky crumbs off of your hands and rubbing them on your tunic, you pick up the scroll and start.  "All Gaul is divided into three parts," you begin, "One of which the Belgae inhabit, the Aquitanae another, and those who in their own language are called Celts, or in ours, Gauls, the third...."  Little Gaius yawns and his eyes fall shut.

*     *     *

    The advisor is greeting Daphne as she enters the building.  She's soaked in red fluid: face, clothes, everything.

    "I take it you managed to attend the taurobolium, Dominacella?" he asks solicitously.

    "Yes, Janus.  I spent so long preparing myself for the moment when they cut open the bull and its blood gushes out over you, I never even thought about what happens afterward.  I didn't realize it would be this sticky!"

    In a few quick cuts, we see her trying to peel her palla off, which is absolutely plastered to her skin, as she daintily steps upstairs.  As she passes through the hall, she peeks in at little Gaius, who is lying n bed, seemingly fast asleep.  After she goes, we see Dismas emerge from the shadows, and tiptoe downstairs, and then briefly we see Gaius's eyes pop open.

 

*     *     * 

    You fight against Roman soldiers, and work your way to the front of the building.  As you step outside, you have to fight against a more difficult enemy: Parthian soldiers.  Finally he gets to the boss fight: Artabanu.

Artabanu uses magic, teleporting himself around.  It’s a little difficult to get attacks in on him.  But when you finally defeat him, he storms back into the castle, shouting, “You win this time, but this isn’t the last you’ll see of me!”

Now Dismas gets into the carriage and an ornate, mysterious-looking chest is revealed inside.  Dismas opens it, and light streams out and hits his face.  Inside, resting on a red velvet bed is The Tyne.  It’s a long, curved, strange-looking blade, with no handle, which flashes with an unearthly, somewhat sinister glow.

Dismas gingerly picks up the Tyne and holds it aloft with both hands, feeling its power radiating throughout the room.

“Thanks.  I’ll take that.”  Suddenly Gestas is behind him, and he snaps it up from Dismas’s hands.  “Good job, Dismas.  You and I are about to be very rich... err, I mean this will bring a great deal of resources for the Cause.  Heh, heh, heh.”

Suddenly, they hear a scream.  There are soldiers (virgiles) everywhere, surrounding them.  “Get out of the carriage!” shouts the commander (prefectus urbi).

They step out of the carriage with their hands up, centurions pointing spears right at their necks, and walking them slowly back into the castle.

Inside, there is a shocking scene: Artabanu is dead, brutally stabbed many times, and his throat cut.  His blood is everywhere.  Procula is standing in the middle of it, screaming.

Gaius points at Dismas.  “He did it!  He killed Artabanu and stole that shiny thing!”

Dismas stammers in incomprehension.  “No!  I - I -”

“Don’t try to deny it.  Several of these guards have already told us that you fought  them, killed Artabanu, and stole the Tyne.”

“It’s true, I fought Artabanu - but I didn’t kill him.  I’m innocent!” shouts Dismas.

Gestas rolls his eyes and makes a “so-so” gesture with his hand.

Dismas turns to Gestas.  “Gestas - you didn’t need to murder him!  I had already defeated him.”

Gestas feigns offense. “Me?!  I was just walking by, minding my own business.  I didn’t have anything to do with any of this.”

Procula kneels down next to Artabanu’s corpse.  “Oh, poor Artabanu!  You can’t be dead!  You -” she looks up at the soldiers.  “Do you know Artabanu?  What a great man he is - I mean, was.  So sophisticated, so cultivated, so knowledgeable, and at the same time, so sweet and so humble!  And I’ve never known anyone with such an iron sense of duty.  Oh Artabanu!”  She weeps uncontrollably.

Dismas asks, “What are you doing home, anyway?  I thought you were at the Citadel.”  Gestas shakes his head and makes a “shush!” gesture to him.

Procula peers at him with hatred in her eyes.  “Murderer!  I... I knew.  I was on my way to the Citadel, when suddenly I had... a vision.  Sometimes I have... sometimes I know things.  I suddenly knew that there was terrible danger, and I had to come home as quickly as possible....”

“Sir,” says one of the soldiers to the commander.  “We’ve been interrogating everyone, and it’s true what this one says - the two of them were in the carriage when Artabanu was murdered.”

“A likely story,” says the commander.  “Well, we may not have you on the murder charge, but we’ve got you for theft!  And I’ll see to it that you die for this.”

“Oh, Artabanu!” Procula continues sobbing.  “Well, at least you didn’t die in vain.  You lived to protect the Tyne, and we managed to keep it safe.  These scoundrels will die, and I promise to protect the Tyne from now on.”

“Speaking of which,” says the commander, “bring the Tyne to me. I’d like to see it for a moment.”

A soldier walks up to Gestas.  “Alright, let’s see it.”

Gestas: “Don’t look at me!  You already took it from me.”

Soldier: “Don’t play games with us.  Give it to me now.”

Gestas: “I’m serious! You took it from me as soon as I left the carriage.”

Soldier: “Who took it?  Which one of us?”

Gestas: “That one... or... that one?  I don’t know.  You all look the same to me.”

Another soldier: “Enough of this.  Search him.  Search both of them!”

They are searched, and the soldiers searching them say, “Sorry, Prefect.  They’re clean.”

Commander: “Impossible!  I’ll search them myself.”  (He begins searching them, and barks, “Don’t just stand there!  Search the grounds!  They must have hidden it somewhere” (soldiers immediately begin to obey) “unless...” (He stands up and peers at his soliders.) “...It was one of you.  Is this an inside job?”  

Clearly stressed out of his mind, the commander turns toward the “camera” and screams, “WHERE IS THE TYNE?!!”

Stay tuned for the next chapter!